Those boys who call Tina Fey "hott."

This post does not question Tina Fey's attraction level. This post pigeonholes the males who do.

To start at the beginning: The Beau & I went to Best Buy the other week, shopping like any good American couple does on a daily basis. I've always experienced exceptional customer service at every Best Buy I've graced with my money, so I wasn't the least surprised when a corporate peon attached itself to us with generic questions like, "Are you folks finding everything okay?" & "Let me help you find the model which fits your needs." The surprise seeped in when it -- for readability, let's name it "Willard" -- decided we were personal friends on this crazy journey called life. When he found out the Beau is an actor & filmmaker, he tried to convince us of his own artistic merit, with such little success that I can't even recall his accomplishments now, a few short weeks later.

As our attentions began to slip & we discussed the purchase amongst ourselves (the two of ourselves), Willard initially ignored our disinterest, continuing to engage in conversation with the TV screens & computer monitors around us (WE certainly weren't listening). Eventually, he tried to gain our trust with a comment directed to Beau: "I know you have to get The Girlfriend's approval" -- quick break to wink & grin at the objectified Girlfriend in question -- "but we all know THIS monitor's best for your purposes."

Now, Willard made the amateur assumption of presuming to know us. We are a couple, & we were now his personal friends, so we must fit the expectations of Couplehood he'd created through years of TV-watching and failed relationships. Unfortunately, we are not the traditional couple -- he's an actor & I'm a writer, wouldn't that tip any normal human off? -- so his slip prepared me to dismiss him as a stereotype first chance I got.

That chance strolled around the bend, smoking a cigarette & eyeballing ladies' behinds almost immediately.

With no help or encouragement from either Beau or myself, Willard started talking about Tina Fey.

"I think Tina Fey's hott," he said. "I mean, I know most people think she's ugly & gross. But I like that kind of girl. She gets me hott."

This statement allowed me to typecast Willard as "One of Those Boys Who Call Tina Fey Hott." He's not the first, nor will he be the last, I'm sure. Tina Fey is a comedian. She's a screenwriter, an actor, a producer and an all-around powerful persona. She's intimidating as all get-out, which is emasculating as all get-out (or so I hear from my opposite-gendered friends).

A specific type of male feels power in the act of patronizing powerful women. He assumes since she's skilled at more than just pushing her breasts together & painting her face, she's not a standard of beauty. Because Tina Fey often presents ridiculous facial expressions for her character Liz Lemon on the show 30 Rock (which she also writes & produces, by the way), Willard defines Fey as Lemon. The two are equivalent in his head. He thinks of Tina Fey as:

Although more often than not, Tina Fey looks like:

Because Willard sees a funny, weird, unattractive woman when he thinks of Tina Fey, he believes it gives him indie cred to find her attractive. Anyone can find Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson unbearably appealing, but if you think the quirky girl's a catch, then you've got smarts. Willard's type is the artistic crowd's equivalent of a Scrub -- the cowards who catcall out of truck windows & whistle at strangers, even strangers in sweatpants. They think they're doing the woman a favor by acknowledging she makes them lustful & foolhardy; they think they're proving their manhood by putting it on display.

For the record, Willard, I find Johnny Depp hott. That should make you like me more, because he plays funky, quirky, oddball characters who don't bathe, & People's magazine has never voted him Sexiest Man Alive.